Needing Time
by gypsysfeather
Summary: Beckett said she was ready for a baby, but when she finds out she's pregnant...it turns her world upside down. Maybe she wasn't all that ready, after all.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey guys! This is my FIRST EVER Castle fanfic! I'm super stoked about it and I'm hoping it'll turn out okay. It's mostly fluff and angst (and maybe some Caskett smut!), but it's also a CASKETT BABY! WOO HOO! Just a little something to get us through until Castle returns on our televisions. Who's rooting - or even guessing - for a baby this season? ME! Hahaha. When you review, let me know what you think - if there'll be a Caskett baby on S8 or not! Thanks._

 _I hope you enjoy this...please let me know in the reviews if you do :)_

 _Thanks!_

 _G._

 ** _.._**

 ** _..._**

"Rick, I think it's time for a baby..." She finally explained, about two weeks ago.

Now, she's sitting down on the edge of the bathtub, waiting for the pregnancy test to clear up.

So many things have been running through her mind that night that she told him it's time, since the night they tried and tried...and tried a few more unnecessary times. Is she really up to being a mother? Can she really put her child in the same position she was in growing up, wondering if one day her mother won't come home?

And there it is. A positive test, which isn't necessarily a surprise to her. But now she's kicking herself, wishing she wouldn't have said anything about wanting one. She's not even sure she's ready for a baby.

Her next thought is she needs to tell her husband, who will be completely ecstatic that he's about to be a father again. But there's things they haven't even discussed in the past two weeks, let alone before they tried. _How will Alexis take it? Will they have to move into a bigger place or will Martha decide to move out? How the hell is she going to keep her job?_

"Kate?" It pulls her out of her mind, making her jerk up and look at the closed door.

She tries to answer but her voice catches in her throat. Once she's cleared it, she sighs and replies, "Yeah?" And tucks the test down in the side of her bra. She doesn't want him to see it yet. She wants to keep it to herself for a little while.

He gently opens the door, peeking around the side with that goofy grin that only Rick can do, "Hey, we're going to be late."

She'd stood up as soon as the doorknob turned, and she was fixing her dress as if she had just gotten finished putting it on. "Right, right. I'll be out in a second." She mumbles, looking back up at him with her lower lip bitten down. "Do I look okay?" She asks, trying to make herself out to be alright, not show how shaken up she is. "I mean, it's my first banquet dinner with my husband...and I'm receiving that award and all..."

She feels his smile even though her gaze is down, "You always look beautiful, Beckett." He replies. She looks up, and yeah, he's smiling and watching her like she's the most perfect diamond of all. "And I love your hair like that."

"My hair is almost always like this." She corrects, smiling softly at him as she washes her hands. She moves over to dry them on the towel and plants a little kiss on his cheek, "But thank you. You're too sweet, even if it is just to butter me up."

His smirk that's strung out on his face is a proud one, fixing his coat as he moves out of the way of her. "For what?" He asks.

"I think you know." She says, looking over her shoulder and winking.

She knows he doesn't buy the wink, and it makes her grimace as she turns her back to him again. She doesn't feel great. She feels sick to her stomach thanks to being so nervous, over the speech tonight, over the award...and that little baby. Yeah, that too.

The busiest time of her life, by far, and she's adding something to it that takes twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. She's really not sure why, either. But it's what she said she wanted, and she knows Rick wants it too, and she – somewhere in the back of her mind – still wants the baby too. So, maybe time will heal this. She'll just wait it out and see how it goes.

Not like she has the guts to abort another baby anyway.

 **..**

…

"Detective Katherine Beckett of the 12th precinct, accepting the award of excellence." The words still ring through her ears and it makes her smile, even though everything was long behind her already and they're already in bed and snuggled up together and Castle is dozing off while holding her against his chest.

"Rick?" She whispers, not sure what's making her say it. She almost wants to tell him now, since she can't stop thinking about it. But something keeps stopping her.

He peeks one eye open, "Kate?" He grumbles, closing the eye shut again and groaning quickly, "You alright?"

She can hear the sleepiness in his voice, so she just nods. "Yeah, sorry...I just had a question but I forgot it now..." She lies, and it makes him look at her suspiciously but she just smiles tiredly. "Go back to sleep, babe. Love you." She whispers, pecking his lips with hers and settling back into her pillow.

No sleep for her tonight, but he starts snoring right away. It makes her smile, and then suddenly her mind is thinking of the baby again. _Maybe he'll snore just like Castle? Or maybe she'll whimper in her sleep just like me...or maybe she'll twitch her little legs like Castle, or maybe he'll grit his teeth while he sleeps like me..._

So many thoughts for a wandering mind at 2 AM, but all she wishes for right now, is sleep. Something lacking drastically right now, and she'll really feel it when she goes into work tomorrow.

Only minutes later, around 2:15, her phone starts to ring. "Beckett." She answers, no hint of sleepiness or grogginess in her voice. It wakes Castle up, and he just looks at her knowingly. "Murder on 23rd...we'll be there in a few." She replies, hanging the phone up and sitting straight in the bed. "Murder time. Coming with me?" She asks him quietly, knowing he's so sleepy.

"Yeah, coming with." He mumbles, dragging his legs out of the bed, his body soon after, and then finally his arms. He crumples onto the floor and groans. "Why do people have to murder so early in the morning?" He asks.

She looks back at him as she changes into a light blue, turtle neck shirt. "Good question..." She murmurs, smiling sadly at his little head peeking over the bed. He's finally getting up as she speaks again, "Hopefully this one won't be a long one."

"Doubt it." He says, standing up, finally, and pulling pants on. "They never seem to be short anymore..."

"You're right." She admits, shaking her head and buttoning her pants.

 **..**

…

"I'd say she was murdered somewhere between twelve o'clock and one o'clock." Lanie explains, looking down at the victim while writing statistics down on her clipboard. "Her name is Hannah Larson, age twenty-nine and..." She pauses and looks back at the victim again, then up at Kate, "...and pregnant. Her husband is in Florida on a tour with his band...he's not a suspect."

"She's pregnant?" Kate asks, then looks closer at the side of the body – she's turned on her stomach now – and then she sees the bump.

Lanie sighs sadly, "Seven months, my guess."

"Who found the body?" Beckett asks, looking around for a moment to see if there were any witnesses talking to any of the officers.

Lanie shakes her head, "Not sure. We got an anonymous call from a payphone, saying that he found a body in an alley on 23rd. They asked for his name, but he hung up the phone before they could even ask. And of course, the camera is down. No face. Nothing."

Kate looks at her for a moment, then the thought of herself lying there from being shot one day on the job flashes through her mind and she has to look away. "Cause of death?"

"Gunshot to the head. She was being dragged – probably to the dumpster – and I'd say her murderer got scared off by something or someone, left her here, and never got a chance to come back." She explains.

All this time, Beckett can feel his eyes on the back of her neck. She can feel him studying her, reading her like the open book she is for him. She shrugs it off and takes a shaky breath, stuffing her cold hands in her coat pockets. "So she was murdered somewhere else. Where, is the new question." She states, looking back at Lanie and shaking her head. "Such a shame."

"It _is_ a shame." Castle chimes, "Such a pretty young mother, the baby had no chance, did it, Lanie?" He asks, looking up at her.

She shakes her head, "Definitely not. The gunshot to the head killed the mother immediately, the baby was probably still alive for a little until it could no longer feed off of the Mrs. Larson."

"So it suffered?" Beckett asks, turning her body to her friend. After Lanie nods, she turns back to the body. "Get her to the morgue, I'll contact her husband and let him know the bad news." She says, clearly shaken up by it all. She had done a pretty good job hiding it up until now. Now, she's feeling sick to her stomach. "Castle," She starts as they're walking alone to her Charger, "If you keep trying to read me, I'll drag you down an alley and put you in a dumpster too."

"I'm staring?"

"More than normal, yes." She answers, opening the door to her car and sliding in the driver's seat. She waits for him to get in and then looks at him, "And you're trying to read me. But I'll just come out and say it."

"Say what?" He asks, curiosity filling his tone.

She looks forward and starts driving down the road, un-phased completely, now. "It really just bothers me sometimes that there are cruel enough people in the world to kill a pregnant woman and drag her body down a road, stomach down, making the baby suffer." She says, swallowing thickly. He's buying her lies...hopefully. "Sometimes the job just gets to me. That's all."

He's silent for a few moments, "That's all you're worried about?"

"That's all I'm worried about." She repeats, looking over at him just to assure him for a moment, then looks back to the road. "Don't worry about it, Castle."

And the rest of the ride is completely silent until they get to the precinct, getting out and going straight to the bullpen. "What's her husband's name?" She asks Ryan, who had papers in his hands.

"Mike Larson. He's back in the area, so he'll be able to come in." He explains, and she nods while he hands her the papers. "Poor guy." Ryan says, shaking his head. "Losing his wife and daughter in one day. That's so horrible."

Esposito looks over, "Yeah, with another little girl at her grandma's house, too. Now he's a single dad..." He shakes his head.

Kate looks down at the papers, only focusing on one thing that was said. "The baby was a girl?"

"Yeah, Lanie just texted me and let me know." Esposito says, showing her the text on his phone.

She nods sadly and looks up at her desk, sitting down to make the always dreaded phone call. "Mr. Larson? Hi, this is the NYPD, and we need to talk to you inside the precinct as soon as you possibly can. It's about your wife." She adds, shutting her eyes and looking down, "Yes...Mrs. Larson. Please come-" She's interrupted by him letting her know that he's coming now.

She hangs up the phone and looks up at Castle. "Another horrible part of my job."

He sits down, his brows furrowed and his hands wringing in his lap, "You sure are thinking about the negatives of your job lately. Everything alright?" He asks.

 _Damn it._ She has to be more careful. "Yeah, yeah. Love my job. But like I said, sometimes it just...gets to me."

"Okay." He answers almost immediately, and she stands up so that he can't read her anymore.

She looks back at him, "We need to focus on the case. Focus on the murderer and finding out who it was. Not about me, right now. That can wait." She says, taking her coat off and putting it on the back of her chair before heading into the break room and grabbing a cup of coffee.

Decaf, but she hides it so that Castle won't see it. She only knows to drink decaf because one time, she remembers her friend in high school getting pregnant. She remembered her complaining about no soda, no coffee, no chocolate...and now it kills Beckett to remember that she can't have all that either. It kills her more that she feels the need to hide it all from Rick, but she just needs the time. Alone. Not with a dapper Castle running around like it's Christmas morning, because he has a new baby. No.

She leans back on the counter and looks through some of the records from Mrs. Larson's file. She had been in a lot of trouble when she was younger – in and out of jail from twenty-one years old to about twenty-five. She was twenty-six when she got married, so Kate figured that it was her husband who kept her out of the trouble she was getting in to.

And then she got to her firstborn daughter, Lily Larson, who was only two. How would she explain to Mr. Larson that he now has a two year old to take care of all by himself? How would-

"So...what are you hiding from me, Kate?" Castle asks, scaring the complete shit out of Beckett – so badly that she's spilled coffee down the front of her shirt.

"Damn it, Castle." She hisses, grabbing a napkin and dabbing the coffee off of her shirt. "Nothing. Okay? Nothing."

"Something is up, Kate..." He says sincerely, trying not to push too hard (she knows it) but he's trying to find out. He wants to know.

"Nothing, Castle. Nothing yet. Please just let me have my time and I'll let you know what's up in a little while. I just need to think to myself for now."

He shakes his head and gently puts his hands on her upper arms, "I will find out what's going on, Kate." He says softly, gently, "I want to know. I don't like secrets, especially when they're between us. But-" He stops, looks down and sighs, "Because you want it, I'll give you your time you need. But I just...you know I need to know these things, Beckett..." He whispers, looking back up at her with the most sincere expression she's seen in a while.

"I will let you know." She says, sincerity in her tone now. "I promise it, Castle. One way or another, I'll tell you." She assures. "I just...I know it's hard since we're husband and wife now..." She says, shaking her head as her eyelids flitter a little, looking away, "But sometimes I still have secrets. Just like you sometimes do. Whether we like it or not is one thing, but we know that we'll always tell each other. Always." She says, smiling sadly at the last word. Their word.

It brings a smile to his face (and that was her plan), and he nods. "Always." He says in reply, squeezing her arms gently before kissing her on the cheek. "You want me to go in with you to tell Mr. Larson?" He asks.

She thinks for a moment, then thinks about how easily he'll be able to read her then. "No, no. I got this one. You can help Ryan try to find her records of what she was doing and where she was, last. Based on the ripped clothing she had on, she was at a club or something like that. Just a heads up."

He nods, kissing her cheek once more, then rubs her upper arms before letting go. "Okay. Love you." He says, a giddy little smile coming to his face.

"Love you too." She answers automatically, giving a small little smile back to him.

He leaves just as Mr. Larson is walking into the bullpen, and she sighs, setting her coffee down on her desk as she sits down. "Mr. Larson? Please, take a seat." She instructs, biting her lip sadly as she looks down at the DMV picture of Hannah. "Mr. Larson...it's with great sadness that I inform you...your wife was murdered this morning."

"Murdered?!" He exclaims, a defense reaction. Denial. "No...that can't be! She had...she had called me and told me goodnight! And that she loved me! She...no..." He says, burying his face down into his hands as he props his elbows on her desk.

She gasps at his sudden outbreak, then looks back down at the photo. "Mr. Larson, I'm going to take you into another room so that we can talk more about this. Okay?" She says, shaky voice was appearing again and she hated it. She hated feeling so much sadness for a man she never met before. She didn't expect that outbreak, so she needs to get him out of here now.

She nods toward Esposito who helps the man up out of his chair, takes him to a more private room with a couch and tissues where they asked a few questions about his wife. "And...last for now." She says, looking down at her clipboard of questions. She hates asking this question. "Was there ever any sign that she may have been with another man?" She asks, looking up at Mr. Larson, now, waiting for his answer.

He shakes his head almost immediately. "N-no. She loves...she loved me so much. We were about to have another baby together and oh no...she loved me, Detective."

She nods sadly, "I understand." She says, standing up and taking a shaky breath. "I'm going to personally send in a grief counselor for you where you can talk to him more in here." She explains, turning away. "I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Larson. We're going to do everything we can to find out who did it." She says, mimicking the man's words who had told Mr. Beckett and herself that her mother had died. It killed her to say them to this man, but it's not the first time she's ever had to do it.

 **..**

 **...**

 _If you liked the story, please review and let me know so I can know if I should update it or not! :) Thank you! And don't forget to let me know what you think, if there'll be a baby in season 8 or not._

 _Thanks y'all! Hope you enjoyed it! (I'm also totally open to constructive criticism!)_

 _G._


	2. Disclaimer

Hey guys.

Okay so so there's been a lot of complaints/controversy (and good reviews too) about this story. Yeah it's kinda upsetting but hey that's writing.

This is is just a little mini chapter to clear a few things up that's been brought up.

1\. This is not set in Season 8, or even after like season 6, really. There's no absolute set season that this is in, but it's just an AU of them being married still but not in the time they did (season 7). You know what I mean?

2\. The abortion thing was a mix up. I read through it to proof read and completely missed that. SHES NEVER ABORTED A BABY.

Sorry for all the mess ups. I'm really not sure if I'll be writing another chapter, simply because I clearly can't get in Kate's head very well so I'm just disappointed in myself. I'll probably stick to my Swingtown story.

Thanks for for the kind words from a few people though. Love yall!


End file.
